PLAYER PROFILE

Exaggeration, blatant lies and a smattering of the truth, each month we bring you a not-so-serious profile of the 'stars' of Redmires Football Club.........

 

AUGUST 2001- Gary Cotterill. Hellraising Gary Cotterill is one of the founder members of the current Redmires Team and is probably one of the oldest people in the world. No-one is sure of Cotterill's exact date of birth, but based on a combination of photographic evidence and carbon dating techniques, it is estimated that Gary is over 2000 years old. In the past, there have been concerns that Cotterill may actually be vampire, due to his aversion to sunlight and inability to shave properly (scared of mirrors?) on Sunday mornings. This has now been discounted, as ancient vampire law clearly states that there can be only one creature of the night in any Sunday Football Team and Redmires already has a resident vampire (all will be revealed in a future player profile). Cotterill has had a long and distinguished career and he could well have made it as a professional footballer. However his early promise as a junior at Sheffield United was cut short when he realised that he was better suited in the role of an alcoholic. Since then, Cotterill has drunk copious amounts of alcohol at most people's Weddings, Christmas Parties and Funerals, and in between he has played for a number of teams before finally arriving at Redmires. His 'Jackal' nickname was taken from the film of the same name and was due to Cotterill's assassin like stealth in front of goal. These days, it is more likely to be attributed to the Gary's close quarter scavenging approach. Finally, in the spirit of all good Football Magazine Player Profiles, we have included a number of statistics and photographs from Cotterill's personal album......   Date Of Birth Unknown Occupation Property Magnet Position Center Back (Fact) Nick Name The Jackal Most Likely To Say....... 'Have we got eleven' or 'Get it done!' Car Gary prefers a Cart Horse Favorite Footballer 'Fatty' Foulkes Most Memorable Goal A perfectly flighted glancing header in a match against Telecom Sports (2000/2001 season). The fact that this was an own goal gives us an insight into Cotterill's ' beautiful game' mentality, whereby a good goal is still a good goal regardless of which goal it goes in. Hobbies Gambling, Drinking, Gambling, Drinking..... Favourite Music Chamber Music. Editors Note - Cotterill's choice in music effectively ended his aspirations to become a professional footballer as it is well known that all pros prefer Phil Collins. Favorite TV Program Dads Army Favorite Film Escape to Victory. It is a little known fact that this film was based on Cotterill's exploits during WWII. John Wark played the Cotterill character in what was an inspired piece of casting due to the similarity of their looks. Favorite Food Beer - What else did you expect!. Merits 'Drinker of the Island Award' 1984 Teneriffe (Fact) Claims To Fame Holds the record for the most goals scored in the Vernon Logistics League (Fact). He also claims he was a junior in the same Sheffield United squad as Tony Currie.   Cotterill 'The Jackal'   Cotterill running at the German defense during an early 'international'..........   Cotterill poses with his Championship Medal of 1879...........