PLAYER PROFILE

Exaggeration, blatant lies and a smattering of the truth, each month we bring you a not-so-serious profile of the 'stars' of Redmires Football Club.........

 

SEPTEMBER 2001- Ashton Woodhouse. As an eccentric millionaire and the team's resident vampire, Creature of the Night Aston Woodhouse, is one of Redmires's longest serving players and was one of the founder members of the current team. His Dr Voodhausen nickname is a legacy of his blood sucking tendencies and his inability to train in daylight, a fact that many members of the Redmires squad can support. During his career, the Lord of Darkness has played in most positions, currently finding himself as Redmires's left back. Woodhouse is often thought of as a left footer, but this is just a myth. Woodhouse developed his accomplished left foot from playing in every single position on the pitch - essential during the 1997-1998 season when Redmires were struggling for players. Woodhouse is also known for his mazy dribbles and 100 foot slide tackles, and when not defending, he can usually be found hanging around the opponents goal, usually upside down from the crossbar!. Outside football, Woodhouse is a successful Company Director and is extremely upper class. He lists Polo and Clay Pigeon Shooting as his other hobbies and has recently taken up playing the property market. His latest acquisition is his new residence, 'Castle Voodhausen' in Ranmoor (Sheffield), after being forced from his previous home (conveniently situated in between a Grave Yard and a Mortuary (fact)) by the local vampire hunters. Finally, to all you would be Center Forwards out there, if you fancy your chances when playing against 'The Master', we suggest you bathe in holy water before the game and don't forget your Garlic Shin Pads!.     Date Of Birth September 1968 Occupation Eccentric Millionaire/'Nud Glazer' Position All of them. Nick Name 'Dr Voodhausen' or 'Mad Ash' Most Likely To Say....... 'Get off my Land!' or 'After you with the Axe!'   Car Hearse (Ok its a big sort of 4WD thing). Favorite Footballer Viz star 'Johnny X' (the invisible striker). Most Memorable Goal Woodhouse once scored a goal against Royal Mail which was likened to the goal Maradonna scored against England in the 1986 World Cup - the one where he took on the whole England team and scored.  However, Woodhouse has often been tempted  to use the "hand of god" tactic if he thinks Redmires's keeper, Paul Oxley is on for a clean sheet. In 1990, against Sheffield Trades & Labour, Woodhouse played his part in an own-goal classic which also starred Jamie Milnes (description of own goal is two long to type, but it was damn funny) Hobbies Buying companies,  grave digging, shooting peasants.  Favourite Music Ashton's musical tastes range from Nirvana to the Pet Shop Boys. Favorite TV Program The Simpsons.  Favorite Film Invasion of the  Body Snatchers and The Lost Boys. Favorite Food Woodhouse is not fussy about his food. Mexican, Greek and Chinese are just a few of his favorites. Woodhouse, however, does prefer a full English breakfast but has indicated that he struggles to digest the bones of his victims. Merits The 1978 Barncliffe Boys Subutteo Champion. Also a regular winner of Wembley and '3 and your in'. Claims To Fame Woodhouse claims he has never missed a penalty in his life. Until he missed in the penalty shoot-out against The Sharrow on 14.10.01   Ashton Woodhouse AKA Dr Voodhausen   With a blood sucking aversion to mirrors, Woodhouse often has problems shaving..... Woodhouse enjoys a night out..........   The current residence of Mad Ash, 'Castle Voodhausen'..........